It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
