I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
