One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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