hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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