I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
