Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
