so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
