I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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