My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
