I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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