I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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