I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
