I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
