loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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