physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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