I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
