I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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