I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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