just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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