filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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