One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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