There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
