When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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