barbara walters just said penis...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
