The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
