Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
