I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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