I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
