Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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