I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
