I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
