Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
