My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
