Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
