Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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