I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
