I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
