he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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