my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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