he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
