I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
