HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
