There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
