he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
