Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
