Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
