I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
