Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
