You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
