my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
