Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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