Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
