some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
