Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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