when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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