I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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