I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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