How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
